What makes your existence meaningful, special, satisfying, and rich?
What gives your daily life a driving purpose?
What are the ingredients of your “happiness”?
Don’t say it’s your twice yearly vacation.
I’ve pondered this question, as I imagine you have too.
After a small lifetime of observation and reflection, the answer I’ve arrived at is that it’s other people. It’s relationships that enrich my existence and make it all worth it.
You, my friends and my relationships, you are what really matters to me.
Shiny things come and go, providing the brain with dopamine, but it’s relationships that are our most potent path to a lifetime of serotonin.
States of being are temporary and ever-evolving. This is the human experience.
It’s inevitable that we’ll have highs and lows, wins and losses, and many regular and fleeting hits of dopamine. But friends, family, and interpersonal relationships, even with distant connections, are forever.
A digital illustration of my dad’s (now sold) 1969 Porsche 912 Targa by Matthew Hoss, aka 10.and.2. Find his great work and contact info here: www.project10and2.com
Fool’s Goal
For years, material goods and beautiful personal possessions were at the top of my importance hierarchy in terms of attainment and goals, my indicators of success.
Every decision, every mental calculation tended to relate back to what I could afford or what I could surround myself with.
What can I do (and what are the trade-offs) with that career path, with that financial habit, with that tax refund?
This included stuff, activities, even travel.
Seeing your life in terms of what you can buy is the mind born into consumerism and capitalism.
“Happiness is consumption.”
I have spent thousands of hours browsing and lusting for things, envying those around me, entirely convinced that these things (/trips/food experiences) would bring me happiness, bring me ultimate joy, and that they were worth pursuing above all.
Then, through many years of journaling, meditation, yoga, and other introspective exercises and spiritual shadow work (Clark Kegley is one of my favorite YouTube personalities), it occurred to me that my vision was too narrow.
I was focused on the fringe benefits when I should have been thinking bigger. I was looking for a sense of purpose in attainment and status, but my heart was never in any of this, and it always felt empty once I had attained.
I learned that lasting personal fulfillment rarely arrives externally.
As we all do, I enjoy the rich sensory experiences that our modern world offers and I never lack entertainment or choice.
But are we alive solely to consume, accumulate, and chase dopamine?
Are we wholly fulfilled to be comfortable, cosseted, and engaged by media, technology, and the accumulation of physical baggage?
Rinse and repeat forever?
A different illustration I had made for my cousin/uncle Jeff of his 1989 Porsche 944 Turbo.
Together Happy
What was missing was an understanding of our rich individual inner worlds as well as our divine, mutual interconnectedness.
Rather than operating as an island, striving for independent personal success and attainment, and viewing interdependence as weakness or failure—I’m learning how to add value to the world.
I’m beginning to see others as sources of purpose, sources of shared wisdom, and myself as a powerful director of my own happiness and my role in our collective happiness.
While I still have desires for earthly pleasures, as we all do and will continue to do, the hierarchical importance of those things has changed.
It’s easier now to feel the difference between externally motivated and internally motivated thought patterns, and observe them for what they are: either temporary pleasure hits, knee jerks, and snap judgements, or lasting sources of satisfaction.
During a recent journey to the East Coast, I was able to reconnect with my closest family and friends, and it struck me that the richness of life isn’t all the stuff we collect, how many concerts we see, or where all we can travel—though those are great perks.
It’s the relationships, the conversations, the confidings and love you share and express with those you care about and who care about you.
Everything else could be dissolved, and I would still feel loved and supported by these people; the lessons they’ve taught me are something no credit score or bank balance or resume can change.
Once this epiphany sank in, a strange thing happened: All of my anxieties and neuroses related to status, to social comparison, to the feeling of lack that have dogged me throughout most of my life, fell away.
Or at least, they began to vanish.
Was I security at my brother’s wedding? I certainly would have neutralised any threats…
Free
I was left with a sense of “none of this matters,” in reference to the wild and competitive nature of living in a place like Los Angeles, where status and accumulation are…religion.
Noticing that so many people are actually miserable, chasing rewards and competing with each other for status…it’s been a pressure-release valve for my brain.
I’m freer knowing that all I need, for what really matters to me, is an open line of communication between me and my friends, my family, my mentors, and an open heart toward the world around me.
Viewing modern society as a curious game, where players compete and jockey for position perpetually until they die, puts minor annoyances and perceived differences into perspective.
Thus, I also began to think differently about my own daily life, my work, and my career path. Is making the maximum amount of money my primary motivation, if it means sacrificing other aspects of my life?
No.
So what brings me lasting joy?
Building relationships, being kind, generous, and helpful to others, and sharing wisdom that I have gleaned and absorbed.
My main motivation in life is to connect with and add value to the people I encounter, not amass an impressive closet.
Hence: econami.
Dinner with Dad, Susan, and my friend Eric at Bacetti
New View
I used to publish a blog called Remarqed, and what I missed for so many years was a good answer to the question “who cares?”
How was I delivering value to readers? How was I getting out of my own self-promotion and actually passing insights onto those who read my words?
I knew that if I wanted to write again, I would answer this question and shed light onto the topics and theories which I find interesting and useful to untangle our modern existence.
The goal with this space is to deliver meaningful, critical prose to you, dear reader, in a way that will help you live a happier and richer life.
That is, topics like my favorite books, perspectives on things like borrowing vs. owning and celebrity culture.
While readying myself for this new venture, I dug up my economics undergraduate thesis from 2009 to remind myself that I have an intellectual underpinning, that my observations have always been sound, and that my theories are not without rigor.
The universal flow has a funny way of threading themes through your life without your being fully aware, at least until you see it all in hindsight.
So here goes, y’all.
It’s me, your econami!
Thanks as always to Susan for edits, Kathryn for encouragement and support, and Dudley for watching me write.
Last night, a restless awakening at 2:30 am led to contemplation as Sunday turned into Monday. The weight of decisions about my career path, the past, and even renting my home overwhelmed me. After 15 years in my previous job, I lost it, and insecurities about my qualifications in a new job market crept in.
But amidst these uncertainties, I've embarked on a journey of gratitude. The doubts I face are new, but I've always believed in my abilities despite challenges. Last night's wakefulness allowed me to remind myself of my capabilities and embrace this growth phase.
Today, as I searched for personalized letterhead, I came across your post. It's a reminder that divine guidance often leads us. Thank you for sharing your wisdom, I have never been compelled to share my thoughts on a message, and you captured the authenticity of my desire to do it. Cheers!
YES! basic needs: food, shelter, clothing and LOVE! Maybe in reverse order?