Saving Energy, Staying Cool: 10 Tips for Introverts to Thrive Socially
An AI-generated headline <3
Quite often, when I admit to people that I’m an introvert, they’re genuinely surprised. They say “but you're so cheerful and animated and social.”
I suppose it’s all relative. My being social looks quite different from someone who’s a social butterfly and feeds off of buzzy group energy.
Any time I’ve taken a Myers-Briggs assessment, my introvert/extrovert score falls right about midway between the two. They call people like me ambiverts.
In practice, ambiversion feels a bit like an energetic roller coaster. I crave connection and community, and actively seek it whenever I’m out in the world. I feel obliged to acknowledge others, smile, perhaps wave or say hello, and enjoy spurts of chit chat and genuine exchange.
Meanwhile, my subconscious brain makes every effort to guide me back to the safety and comfort of home, because I find the majority of public spaces to be loud, crowded, or centered around things I don’t care much for, like drinking or making endless small talk. These spaces drain me of precious energy and send me straight to bouts of lethargy.
Enough, she says!
Being “split” means I’m good at faking extroversion, but only for a period of time. After that time has elapsed, all I want is to be alone, comfortable, and relaxed.
It’s why I like to be invited, but I only accept about half of those invitations. It’s why I don’t mind making phone or video calls, but rarely pick them up if they’re unplanned.
Dinner parties are my favorite type of social gathering, because they make it easy to be engaged one on one and to make proper eye contact, without all the noisy din of the general public.
Whether you’re like me (half and half) or you’re a complete introvert, you probably have to be careful about where and to whom you give your energy and attention. This can be a hard balance to strike, if the goal is to avoid a perpetual boom and bust cycle, while handling your daily duties and attempting not to be a total shut-in.
One of my favorite YouTubers, Clark Kegley, discussed “high vibration habits” in a recent upload. We can all assume that higher vibration is preferable. He covers visualization, meditation, journaling, and self-awareness.
His fifth and final habit for highly vibrating is energy management.
10 ways I conserve my energy
I realized after some reflection that energy conservation requires testing, trial and error, and as we age, tends to be a moving target.
Kitty time works too
Nevertheless, there are many small habits that add up to a lot of energy saving in my life, and I wanted to share them with you:
I check in before committing. In the past I have tried many strategies for socializing. Saying no to everything while in retreat mode. Saying yes to everything while in explore mode. The reality is that these extremes don’t allow for any nuance or novelty in one’s social life. To strike a comfortable balance, I usually consider the people who will be involved, the setting (how easy or annoying logistics will be), the cost (I love staying within my budget), and whether certain energy “costs” will be offset by energy “gains” like meeting interesting new people or getting to experience a new immersive environment.
I practice the French goodbye. Or Irish goodbye, it doesn’t matter really. This just means I feel confident in leaving any situation once I’ve had enough, and I don’t bother others with saying goodbye, unless it’s seamless. I will always try to say goodbye and thank you to the host, but if not, I send them a follow-up text instead on my way home.
I set reasonable boundaries with work and with friends. Everyone, no matter their extroversion level, should understand and respect their own and others’ boundaries when it comes to energy conservation. I know my limits and honor myself. My work is of higher quality, my overall satisfaction is too, and my friends appreciate my not being a crabby bitch when I feel overextended.
I group tasks. Whenever possible, I bundle tasks outside the home so that I have to make only one trip. This can be as simple as taking out the garbage on my way out the door, or aiming to leave the house by car for errands only once per day, grouping them in an efficient, looped route.
I break up the to-do list. Rather than saving all my menial chores for a single day, I try to space them throughout the week so that overall progress feels easier, and I’m less intimidated as they stack up.
I tidy as I go. Household cleaning works the same way—I aim to tidy small messes as I move through the day and week, rather than allowing dishes to accumulate or laundry to pile up. It just feels less extreme and less stressful.
I hire out for heavy cleaning. Better still, I hire a professional to do the big cleaning that often requires time and heavy physical effort. It’s not something I enjoy or feel like I do especially well, so the fee feels like money well spent.
I spread out and savor major dopamine hits. Hidden Brain recently released a two-part podcast about savoring, which centered heavily on living in the moment, but also developing one’s ability to savor. This means enjoying the anticipation and lead-up, squeezing every drop of enjoyment out of something when it happens, and then relishing the memory, without any regrets. The researcher who’s interviewed also recommends experiences over goods, sharing the moment with others rather than enjoying private pleasures, and making every effort to spread the “highs” out rather than overdosing and then experiencing long periods without.
I mind my substances. I discovered cannabis in a more significant way during COVID when socializing and social drinking essentially disappeared. It then became a major crutch I used to feel pleasure and enjoyment. As I’ve recently learned, leaning too much into external substances like sugar, technology, drugs, or alcohol robs my brain of simple enjoyments and pleasures. I’m currently on a month-long cannabis detox and have never felt better.
I unplug regularly. We live in a new world of endless content, and if we’re not careful, it can be easy to feel ruled by the latest breaking news, sensational reporting of disasters and crime, or even the endless stream of memes and clickbait. I make a point to unplug whenever I feel a little glassy-eyed in trance.
Notice the flowers
As always, I appreciate you, and your attention.
Talk soon,
Alex
Learned a LOT 😘