Tips for self-regulation during life transitions

5 ways I've learned to keep my thoughts positive and attitude hopeful

The contrast to life’s calm, stable, and predictable times are the inevitable transitional periods that can feel challenging or fraught—periods like ending a job and starting a new one, moving homes, or recovering from a loss.

Some people seem to relish transitions, while others avoid them—but everyone is subject to changing tides. So how can we make the most of these difficult transitional periods? By leaning into positive self regulation, or the intentional habits and practices that help steady our mental ship and cultivate an openness to the unknown.

While ending one job and looking for a new one, I’ve had to confront a nagging inferiority complex and a tendency to wallow in victimhood. To avoid getting stuck, I’ve chosen to focus on positive and constructive patterns instead. Since July, I’ve used the following guidelines to remain calm, let go of real or imagined control, and rest assured that things will (as they always do) work themselves out.

(1) Maintain structure, unplug, and keep busy

I ground myself and listen to my body with physical practices like weightlifting, yoga, stretching, walking, and running. 

I listen to my intuition and my instincts through regular journaling and meditation. I play with Tarot cards sometimes and notice synchronicities.

I avoid social comparison by setting time limits for Instagram, LinkedIn, and YouTube. Any apps on my phone that don’t bring positive value have been removed.

While not working, I’ve found structured solace by blazing through books, taking writing seminars, making art, rearranging my apartment, dog sitting, and hiring an executive career coach.

(2) Mold thoughts like wet clay

I practice self-compassion by catching my inner critic and saboteur before letting their negative, judgmental messages become habitual or repetitive. I replace these scripts with more positive, constructive, and supportive sentiments about myself—I’m here, I’m worthy, I’m a creator, and I add value. I live in trust and abundance.

I surround myself with messages of encouragement and hope in order to distract myself from rumination. I do this with books, podcasts, and the people I choose to spend time with.

(3) Be social

I’m vulnerable with friends and family. I let them know how I’m feeling, what I’m going through, and how they can support me. I don’t feel guilty for asking for help, and I avoid harboring a sense of resentment toward others who aren’t currently facing equivalent challenges, because I know one day the dynamic will be reversed and I will want to be as helpful to someone else as I can be.

I’ve also been unabashed about publicly declaring what I’m doing and what I’m looking for, while still keeping the narrative positive and forward-focused.

(4) Think big and take inspired action

I tame my ego enough to honestly analyze my desires, goals, and dreams by detaching from should-dos, peer comparison, or letting societal expectations define my next steps. I imagine six months ahead and wonder what conclusion I’ll take about this moment in my life—how it will all seem like destiny.

Following the steps above, I allow myself to act under divine inspiration—writing articles, sharing updates, asking for favors, hiring coaches, being scrappy and resourceful. Trying different things because it’s hard to know which roads will lead to great places and which will be dead ends.

(5) Have fun, keep things light

Most of all, I think having fun is key to not being traumatized by scary transitions (or lots of rejections). I keep things fresh and light by going on road trips, visiting family, and dressing up for Halloween this year (which I never do). I bought a pair of rollerblades just for fun.

In times of great upheaval, we each have a choice. To ride the emotional waves of black and white thinking and hyperbolic doom scenarios, or to learn from our own past experiences and the wisdom of the world in order to steady our ship and sail assertively through calmer waters.

I can’t predict what will happen in my current period of growth and change, but I can offer these first-hand tips and tricks for how I’ve managed my mindset and maintained a positive, hopeful attitude along the way.