Should you hire a therapist or a life coach?

Asking for help is the fastest way to seeing real change in your life

Yes—both. And maybe a financial planner too.

I’ve invested time and money in working with all three over the last two years, and have only satisfying personal progress to show for it. I’ve “done the work”, but these professionals have guided me, supported me, and helped me maintain positive momentum.

To simplify, a good therapist addresses your past. They notice your patterns of thinking, your assumptions, and feed back to you details of prior conversations to draw new insights. The relationship only becomes deeper and more seamless the more time you spend with a good therapist. I’m grateful to have connected with mine. He’s kind, gentle, and always reminds me to “be on my own side.”

Most people are familiar with mental health therapy, but coaching is a newer concept.

A good coach helps you focus on the immediate future and build forward momentum. What do you want to tackle in your life? A coach will help you break down the steps, conquer your unconscious fears to take action, and hold you accountable for forward progress. Working with my coach helped me launch this blog by developing a habit of writing and posting when I felt rusty and out of practice. After years of not writing much, I needed the boost of confidence.

She also became my cheerleader when it came to understanding my relationship with marijuana. She encouraged my 30-day detox, sharing details of her own experiments with sobriety. In many ways, a coach helps unlock a client’s potential and boost their performance.

Two friends of mine—Shaun Sperling and Peter Petrone—recently entered the coaching sphere, so I reached them to ask more.

Regarding the overlap between coaching and therapy, Shaun had this to say:

“It’s impossible to coach someone effectively without exploring the past, so there are some gray areas. For example, if a client says that they are having money problems, or issues with confidence at work, or they can’t seem to get to the gym regularly even though they want to, our exploration it will most likely lead us to stories they’re telling themselves that are blocking them from making the changes they need to. Inevitably those stories are linked to past experiences, maybe even past traumas. As a coach, I’m not there to diagnose disorders or work with the trauma, rather I will help the client shift their current mindset to change their habits.”

Peter added:

“Both can lead to personal growth and increased self-awareness, though they do so through different approaches and focuses. But coaching is almost always dealing with a person’s career or passion.”

When asked about why they chose to become coaches, they each expressed an excitement for empowering others:

“I love helping people rediscover who they are, their passion for leadership and love of their professions all over again!” - Peter

“The thing I love most about coaching is that it taps into the individual's wisdom, not the coach’s.” - Shaun

Ultimately, most people could probably benefit from working with both a therapist and a coach. I think this is especially true for peers in my cohort, who’re entering their middle age years and navigating career pivots, children and families, and a sense of burnout.

Finally, a financial planner may seem like a luxury, someone you need only when you have significant assets (a “wealth manager”), but in many ways they function as money therapists and coaches, helping to unpack your money-related blindspots and unhelpful habits. Though it was painful to face my financial reality—e.g. a shitty credit score and minimal savings—she coached me through some analysis, reflection, and defining a game plan for the future.

Today my relationship with money is so much healthier. I handle all my bills as soon as I get paid, and I stash a significant portion into savings before I even consider how to spend the remaining disposable income. I think “disposable” is a terrible way to describe discretionary funds. Every dollar has a purpose, which helps me feel confident and abundant instead of fearful and lacking with regard to money.

My hunch is that most people underestimate their need for a team of helpers well into and throughout adulthood. And it’s a mistake to assume you only need them when it’s an emergency.

When we’re young, asking for help is normal. We seek inputs from a village of parents, immediate and extended family, friends, and mentors. But adult life pushes us toward independence and away from the basic truth that we all need help from others, and most people find satisfaction in being helpful.

It’s normal to hire a maid to clean our homes and a massage therapist to knead our stressed backs, yet when it comes to money, mental health, and dreams and aspirations, society has conditioned us to believe in self-reliance, in self-teaching, and in foolish taboos. Have you ever wondered why?

The fact that we don’t teach children in school things like mindfulness, meditation, simple psychological coping skills, and healthy financial habits is wild to me. I’m apt to believe that capitalism works better for those at the top when some portion of the masses are ignorant and ill-equipped to wield the responsibilities of adulthood. It’s good for business.

In our current society, to ask for help, or admit you need help, is to tamp down your ego. Left unchecked, your ego is both arrogant and myopic.

My experience of letting wise outsiders (often elders, but not always) shine a mirror on my blind spots is the best thing I’ve done as an adult. But it required a step back from my sensitive, fragile, shame-triggered ego.

Our minds, our passions, and our resources are all in a sort of energetic exchange. If you believe in your ability to change your life, and accept that getting help from others is natural and normal, then engaging wise helpers like therapists, financial advisors, and coaches will form the foundation of a happy and expansive life. 

To find a therapist, consider asking for a referral from a friend. It’s likely that you’ll feel more comfortable with someone your friend also likes, and the therapist will already know a bit about your life and who you spend time with. This is how I found mine.

To speak with a coach, please contact Shaun or Peter.

For a referral to my financial advisor, shoot me an email. I found her by asking my Instagram community for recommendations. She’s LA-based but can work with anyone, anywhere!

Leave a comment if you have one!