Feels like faith

Navigating life's mysteries with trust and gratitude

The word faith holds many connotations. But what does faith really feel like? It’s joyful.

As you know, I enjoy topics of the occult. Things like astrology, tarot, numerology, invisible energy, and natural symbolism provide me relief in an entropic world. They help create sense and direction out of my circumstances.

As I’ve read and learned more about spirituality, I’ve come to believe that our purpose as living beings is to expand and grow our souls. Every experience and lesson we encounter pulls from the collective wisdom and builds our individual awakening toward meaning, purpose, and love. It’s easy to get distracted by social structures and economic pursuits, but to me, to win at life is to live in harmony—with myself, with others, and with the natural world.

Earlier this year I was given a set of tarot cards called Motherpeace. They’re round instead of rectangular and are beautifully illustrated with images of women of color. The deck of 78 cards is split into 22 Major Arcana and 56 Minor Arcana. Each morning, I shuffle and then draw a single card to inform the day.

The tarot is a system that defines all of the archetypal, cosmic, and human experiences, from birth to death, and everything in between. They address conflict, love, work, creativity, and mental realms. When you consult the tarot, the energy of your shuffling hands influences the deck, and the single card or set of cards you draw from the whole is significant because of your unique physical energy in that moment.

What’s fascinating is when I draw the same card multiple times on consecutive days, or when the tarot accurately predicts what ultimately comes to pass in my lived experience.

For example, today’s card is the 6 of Discs. Discs signify earth, physical things, body, work, and money. The 6 of Discs card signifies success, enough energy and resources to share, receiving gifts. And if I’m honest, my experience of the last several days has felt like a series of joyous gifts—a quick weekend road trip to Palm Springs, my new-old car cruising happily down the freeway at 80 mph, and now a week of friend hangouts.

Lately I have also noticed the clock on my kitchen stove or on my phone at exact moments when the numbers somehow align. Times like 1:11, 11:11, 5:55, and 00:00. A wise friend advised me that this means I’m living in synchrony with the energy of life—that I’m letting life move through me instead of against me. In numerology, the number one means a beginning, a point, polarity, choice, and receptivity. Five means breaking down form, erosion, changeableness.

A change has occurred. 

I notice how my experience (or interpretation of experiences) is different from the past, because I regularly make time for stillness, through meditation, yoga, journaling, and gratitude. By allowing softness, curiosity, and awe to bloom, I’ve developed open communication with universal wisdom.

I’m starting to put my faith out into the world—and that’s allowed me to find more joy in the everyday.

I’m also currently taking a seminar called Intro to Memoir. I’m writing about the last nine years…my mom dying, moving to Italy, going back to school, and moving to California.

During last week’s class, I shared 1200 words about the visceral experience of death, my mom’s memorial, and my state of mind during that time. I could barely speak my own words through to the end, because it still felt so raw and fresh. By the end I was shaking and sniffling, but it was hugely cathartic. I hadn’t cried quite like that in many years. I felt a rush of relief, like it was the exact thing I needed to be doing at that exact moment.

The next day, I was asked to meet my boss for lunch. I sensed it might be good news, but he looked stone faced when he informed me that the company was undergoing restructuring and would be eliminating my position. A bomb like that makes for an uncomfortable lunch, but I was nonplussed.

My reaction surprised me. Instead of dread and despair, I felt an instant weight lifted. A joyful lightness came over me. I had to catch myself from appearing giddy. To lose one’s livelihood is scary, but I’ve been stagnating for a while. It feels like the universe is nudging me into my next growth step. I couldn’t be more excited.

I’m telling you all of this to say that I now believe faith is a powerful habit, made up of many smaller actions, decisions, and moments of stillness. Having faith in a higher power, relinquishing tight control over outcomes, and having faith in oneself, might be the most powerful practices to manifest joy and grow in positive ways, if my own experience is any indication.

I think “faith” gets wrapped up with religion unnecessarily. Faith is simply letting go and trusting—yourself (to take inspired action), other people (to help along the way), and the energetic world around you (to bring you insights and serendipitous interactions). Having faith and then reaching for joy whenever possible are two antidotes to letting anxiety and fear run rampant and rule your consciousness.

Faith helps me remain centered and remember the things that bring me joy. Focusing on joy over anxiety puts me closer to a flow state, and closer to inspired action toward whatever the stars have in store for me.

If you have questions about any of these topics, please leave a comment or reply to this email.